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So i've been coming home late from the office, My wife says "honey? whats going on?" I said nothing, I drank some coffee & went right back out, she follows me in the pinto. Meanwhile, i've got coffee parked between my inner thighs. I try & lose my wife, so I do this trick my dad tought me, called "The old nasty." which is when I get to a red light, she pulls up behind me & and i put her in reverse & back into her pinto hard as I can, leaving the front bumper all chewed up. Than I slam on it, leaving her at the red light. That is when I dipped my finger tips into the coffee, resting inbetween my inner thighs, & licked my tips & said "Thats the ticket." Than I pull into my office parking spot & poor the hot coffee all over my chest, & rub it in. Than I pull out a fresh pair of "BK knights" that I won, while finnishing in second place on "What would you do," It reminds me of when my teeth use to hurt every time I said the word biscuit. Anywho, I take off my shirt because its all hot & wet, I get out of the car & wipe my windshield, because its all crusty. Than my wife pulls up, & get so scared that I fart, I try running up the steps to suite number 201 & she shoots me in the back with a poison dart, I wake up in a basement with my wrists tied to the cieling. There are all these little dirty obsitcles set up, & a little video plays, like in saw 4. But instead its a black kid in his P.E. clothes telling me I gotta walk across some broken glass to the exit door in 10 minutes, or my face is going to explode. Just as I was about to give it a try, Chuck Norris does a front flip through the closed window, glass shattered everywhere, his face was bleeding out of control, he was like "Call 911" I was like dude, theres only 7 minutes left. he said "what the hell is your problem? I need a doctor" I tryed to tye my t-shirt around his face to stop the bleeding, he smacked my hand & said that crap doesn't really work. He had a gun that fell out of his holster when he broke through the window, it was lying on the floor. For some reason, everytime he said "Call 911" It sounded like he was saying "Just shoot me.. Get it over with" But he was really saying "I cant die like this! quick! call 911" So i shot him in the back of the neck & tossed him on that broken glass, I simply Jumped from point A, on to chuck norris's back, than jumped to point B, and I was out...anyway, My wife doesn't remember anything, because I bought one of those pens from Men In Black, on the way home. (The ones that erase your memory)The end.... read story
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Having to enter the server room through the woman's bathroom....yes. Ready this story.http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/The-Stalled-Server-Room.aspx... read story
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So I walk in the office one morning, all the computers are dirty. My boss looks at me and says "Frank! what the hell?" I said I don't know what your talking about, and walked right passed him. Than out of no where, he punches me 3 times in the back of the head, like really quick. like some kind of combo. I turn around and he's making this face I've never seen before, I mean i've worked with him for 5 years and never seen him make this crazy face, like he's all sweaty and about to turn nasty. Quickly he smacks me in the face with the hard part of his belt, over and over until i'm backing up. I back up all the way into the bathroom. I slam the door & lock it, than I squat down, with the door to my back, and start to cry. Meanwhile he's beating the door, hard as he can, screaming cuss words. I cry harder, saying "why? why?" Than I hear a glass break, than the fire alarm goes off. All of a sudden he's stabbing holes in the door with the fire axe, than he pokes his head through the hole in the middle of the bathroom door and says " your going to get it now Charlie!" I was so scared, I couldn't stop farting, I tryed to climb through the vent hole in the ceiling. than he chopped my feet off, and called me a fibber.the end.... read story
